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| Artist Statistics |
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Artistopia Rank : 6
Member Since : 2/2005
Last Login : 1/9/2012
Views : 136,032
Songs : 264
Events : 2
Alliances : 54
Releases : 29
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Artistopia URL :
http://www.artistopia.com/bohannon |
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| Latest Music By Bohannon |
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Common Crow
Published Date : 11-11-11
Total Downloads : 3
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News Article |
Artist News Home |
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Bohannon 'Born Again' |
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| Published on 1/6/2006 |
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| By pernes tounia |
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For Immediate Release:
Local Popstar, Bohannon, recently announced he was "born again unto the world of eternal life, ultimate fantasy, and complete (and mass) self-delusion."
"I was!" Bohannon exclaimed. "I was totally! I was, like, totally distressed with life. I mean, it all seemed so complicated and I had some bummer experiences, i practically died, and my family didn't understand me and I met this guy, who was with this church."
The young pop star seemed like a brand new young pop star. He went on, "And he, like, had similar experiences! And he invited me to his church and there was no pressure or anything, but they accepted me exactly as I was as long as I agreed with the easiest stuff to agree with!"
You could see it in his vacant stare, he was that other world already. "It's bliss! God loves me and God's more important than anyone! It doesn't matter about my music. I now know that God loves me - Bohannon, for me!"
I met him at a Denny's on the north side of town. Clutching an old book, he went on, "The Tender Mercy of God," he said, his fork piercing the unfertilized egg yolk, which spread slowly over his plate, "will forever propel my sacramentalisms."
There was a pause, then suddenly, Bohannon started and looked out the window to the snow-packed parking lot beyond. His lower lip quivered. "It doesn't matter about my songs," he said, "but one night, deep in prayer, God said in a voice like trumpets over a mountain, 'Bohannon! those who ignore Bohannon's music, will go to a not so heavenly place when they die'."
I looked sceptically at him. He returned my stare. "H, E, double toothpicks," he said, "And that Jewish guy never should have split up the holey land. That's why he had that stroke."
Shockingly, at that very moment, Billy Squier's "The Stroke" struck up on the jukebox. Bohannon got up, dragging the plates from the table and dropping the old book to the carpet.
"I will live forever in heaven!" he shouted, then danced, slowly, and prancingly, into the snow-packed parking lot beyond the hand be-smeared doors.
Pernes Tounia
Denny's January 6, 2006, 9:47 pm
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| Article Credits and References |
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| Pernes Tounia |
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